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Wednesday, September 5th, 2012
4:16 pm

Sometimes I feel like I woke from one coma just to discover that I'm right in the middle of another.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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Thursday, August 30th, 2012
7:54 pm - Blah

The worst feeling in the world is watching my son leave from my softball game and then I turn around and go home to the non existent family that I've discovered I really want.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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Saturday, October 30th, 2010
7:36 pm - blah
I really wanna meet an attractive nerdy girl that knows her stuff. AND IS SINGLE!! << this doesn't exist.

current mood: hungry

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Thursday, July 23rd, 2009
12:20 am - yep this sounds about right.
"Shedding Skin" by Pantera

I don't want you to look at me while
I'm shedding skin.
I can't afford for you to see what's in.
I'd rather shoot myself than have you watch me.
I feel you'd steal my skin to try and wear me.

I was betrayed, one more day of my short life.
You were carried away. You had no shame.
To suffocate my being.
I was me, but you weren't you.
You were sticking to me like a scab...
so I peeled you away, and bled for days.
Then stepped out of myself.

I'm shedding skin, changing within, I'm falling in.
Through swollen eyes, I dreamed you died, caught inside.
I'm shedding skin, spreading thin, severed stem.
I created the end, I'm killing a friend. I'm shedding my skin.

I don't think you belong in here,
I feel I'm sick.
Don't ask because you know damn well where I've been.
I've kept a simple woman through the thick and thin.
But I've found the guts to sever from my Siamese twin.

I throw you away. Everyday. A dead part of life.
Strangling back. Seething black.
In between my longing for torture.
Blood on my face that came from your face.
The mix of kissing and bleeding.
I put you away. I shut you away.
I pissed you away. I threw you away.

I'm shedding skin, changing within, I'm falling in.
Through swollen eyes, I dreamed you died, caught inside.
I'm shedding skin, spreading thin, severed stem.
I created the end, I'm killing a friend. I'm shedding my skin.

You're fucking, and sucking.
You're friendless. It's endless.
Your flower has soured.
It's endless. You're friendless.
It's harder. And stronger.
But no one's been inside you longer.
Or harder. Or deeper.
To get you off, you need the fear.

It's never love. Bloody touch.
Broken wrist. Needle rust.
Choking throat. Swallowed teeth.
Head fuck. No peace.
I'm shedding my skin to peel you off of me.
You've got to love me.

Ornament. Shrunken head.
Playtoy. Snake strike.
Poisonous. Syphilis.
Drenched me. Soaked me.
I'm shedding my skin to drain you out of me.
You've got to hate me.

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Monday, July 13th, 2009
7:10 am - yeppers!
Readjusting to the single life is a bitch even though I was expecting it. As a person that is very "women centered" in my self view, breaking up with my girlfriend and then having no lady friends to fall back on for simple companionship is very very rough. I've spent the last 8 months exclusifying myself to one person and therefore all my female social companions have naturally drifted away. *Sigh* well I guess it's time to start this all over again from the ground up! I've done this enough times in my life to know I'm capable of it but in the meantime I should really stay busy and keep working out and working on getting the business I want to open going. Plus putting this down in words and reading it makes me feel better cause it shows how whiny I sound, hahaha.

current mood: sleepy

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Sunday, May 3rd, 2009
10:01 pm - life test!
I took this in september of '06 and got a 7.1 and november of '07 and got 6.5

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:
7.5
Mind:
7.3
Body:
7.6
Spirit:
7.7
Friends/Family:
5.3
Love:
7.7
Finance:
7.7
Take the Rate My Life Quiz


current mood: cheerful

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Sunday, November 18th, 2007
11:24 am
I took this in september of '06 and got a 7.1

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:
6.5
Mind:
7.1
Body:
6.9
Spirit:
8.2
Friends/Family:
3.2
Love:
2.1
Finance:
7.7
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

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Tuesday, September 18th, 2007
5:25 pm - For those that were at Mike's fire last saturday night....
I got called "close-minded" due to my getting upset because some people refuse to see certain movies. One really good example is "Transformers." That was a completely great movie from top to bottom and I think its nuts that some people refuse to see it. So I was labeled "close-minded."

Well after some thought I realized that I will immerse myself in any new thing, in any form of media. When it comes to movies, music, video games, or anything of the like, I'm a "try anything once" kind of person. I've seen many a chick flick and enjoyed most of them which is something a lot of fellas can't say. "The Notebook" and "Moulin Rouge" were great movies and made me cry. A few weeks ago I watched a Russian movie called "Nightwatch" that was all in subtitles and it had a great meaning! The movie "Children of Men" was one of the most powerful movies I have ever seen and changed the way I look at children. When it comes to movies and music I try to take what the creator of the respective art is trying to get across, along with how well they pull it off. I will listen to any song and after listening to it, offer my honest objective opinion. The same with movies. SO what I'm getting at here is who is the actual close-minded one? The person that will give any movie (or any form of entertainment media for that matter) a chance and try to view it for what it is, or the person that refuses to see a movie due to some ridiculous pre-conceived notion and denies the opportunity to expand there mind? :-)

current mood: hungry

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Tuesday, August 14th, 2007
3:36 pm - ok heres the plan....
I'm gonna work for Art Van for another possible year and a half and then quit. I'm almost vested in the profit sharing plan, I've got just about a year to go and then I can quit and get what I've got in the plan. Which could be anywhere from 5 to 10 grand at that point, if not more. SO! then I get another job somewhere else doing probably the same thing *cough cough* Gardner White *cough cough* to support myself and go to school in the mean time for basic business stuff. Thats in the distant future, as far as this winter goes I wanna get two things accomplished. Well I'll do the best I can while dealing with the usual seasonal depression. I wanna take up some kind of martial art and I wanna educate myself as much as I can on entrepreneurship. I'll read up on starting my own business. I'll go into bookstores and just find books on it and read whatever and I'll read stuff online. Shit I can do this shit now actually. haha Anyways once I feel that I'm ready and know enough about all this then I'll begin the process of starting my own business with Joe and Tom. Were gonna run our own gaming/comic book store. I can't take working for someone else anymore and while the pay is decent at AV, it's slowly killing me. All the dust is ruining my lungs and skin and if I worked there for another 10 years then I'm very sure I'll be deaf cause I've been there 5 years next month and my hearing has been noticeably affected. Anyways I'm well aware that running my own store will actually end up being more work than I'm doing now, but thats fine. I like working, I don't like working for someone else. Half the time when I'm there I just want to tell everyone to go get phucked and the other half of the time I'm actually telling everyone that. All in all it sucks and I want to move onto greater and better things. So i've got about a year to go and then I can legally quit and collect my profit sharing. Yep theres the plan, tell me what you think?

current mood: cheerful

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Wednesday, July 18th, 2007
10:18 pm - WTP???
Son of a bitch.

"War Nerve" by Pantera

Truly, fuck the world,
for all it's worth,
every inch of planet Earth,
fuck myself,
don't leave me out,
but don't get involved,
don't corner me

Inside, ulcer,
unjust bastards,
file out face first
Meet the lies and see what you are

It's forcing you down, and it's grinding against you
Let the war nerve break

For every fucking second the pathetic media pisses on me and
judges what I am in one paragraph - Look here - Fuck you all

Expect the worse,
you bleeding heart,
but kill me first
before it starts,
yes my cock is getting hard,
we are born different after all

Invite mayhem,
produce weapons,
shoot out,
burn down
No CNN or media now

All the money in the fucking world couldn't buy me one second of trust
or one ounce of faith in anything you're about
Fuck you all

Nothing is worth the sleep that I've lost
Apologies unacceptable now
A blistered revenge awaits in me
This is fucking loveless

Hate
Hate mail is not read, in jail instead
Hate

The Lord knows,
there's worse
Ignore, this curse
Hate

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Sunday, July 8th, 2007
1:02 am - I swear....
if I ever happen to come across another "Angelina" I'm phucking keeping her. Notice the quotations. I don't mean another person with the same name, I mean someone that is interested in me like she was.

I don't know what that damn girl saw in me but I don't think I'm gonna find anyone else that sees it either. And the few potential ones that just might.... royally suck. Or just don't "fit"

The thing I can't figure out is if its me.... or them. Do I just only seem to "see" shitty chicks around me cause I'm trying to protect myself? Or am I scared? Or is it just that only retarted girls are into me? Everything I do and all the things I think are geared toward that one moment when I actually meet the "right one."

I went on a date tonight, the first one since like last fall. And it was ok. I had fun but it never really felt like a date. I just couldn't get engaged into the whole thing and it just didn't feel right with the girl. You know, all flirty and fun and chemistyish. And I'm pretty sure that it was the same for her cause I've never seen someone get out of my car so fast. I'm not so much bummed that she wasn't into me as I am that I feel like thats my fault. I suspect that I might be intentionally messing up my chances with women or going for all the wrong ones out of some ridiculously misguided loyalty to Angelina. Well not really loyalty but more like "hey, thats not her." Plus on top of it something like a really cynical attitude of "why bother if its just gonna lead to more pain and head issues like this?"

I wish I could just start over or something, or let go of this stupid mental conditioning/armor. *sigh* whatever.

current mood: disappointed

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Friday, June 1st, 2007
11:24 pm - WTP?
ok. the worst thing you can do is to me is to tell me what to do. Nooooooooooooot a good idea.

current mood: kinda mad, but not

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Friday, March 30th, 2007
6:14 pm - Fun fun fun!!
Comment and I will:

1 - Tell you why I friended you.
2 - Associate you with a song/film.
3 - Tell a random fact about you.
4 - Tell a first memory about you.
5 - Associate you with a character/pairing.
6 - Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7 - Tell you my favorite user pic of yours [if it pertains].
8 - In retort, you must spread this disease in your LJ [or blog].

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Thursday, March 8th, 2007
8:43 pm - Yeah!!! Check me out!!!
Your Personality is Very Rare (ENTP)

Your personality type is optimistic, curious, enthusiastic, and open.

Only about 4% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 5% of all men.
You are Extroverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Perceiving.

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Friday, February 16th, 2007
6:07 am
Your Brain is Purple

Of all the brain types, yours is the most idealistic.
You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts. Your dreams and fantasies are intense.
Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries.

You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places - or a very different life for yourself.

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Wednesday, February 7th, 2007
11:19 pm - this is phucked up.
you know that 30 year old lady that killed her 5 and 8 year old daughters? Stabbed them to death and the dog and its puppies AND the pet mouse? its very sad and very messed up. Well i was reading an article in the paper about it today and the paper was talking to her sister about the incident. Her sister explained that her family knew she was in poor mental health and she went over there to visit the night before to check up on her. Well the mom seemed really out of sorts and told her sister "Don't leave me alone." so the sister left that night anyway. The next morning was when the deed was commited. The sister was quoted saying "I could have died"

ok you phuckin "think for yourselfer!!!!" What the phuck man!!! Or you could HAVE JUST STAYED THERE AND PREVENTED THE WHOLE THING!!! She could have helped her sister through this whole episode or at least takin the kids for the night or something! And thinking deeper on this I think it means something BIGGER that she didn't even bother to stay and help her. It's one thing when a person is a known bullshiter and draws attention to themselves but if Pam or Katie EVER told me "to not leave" then I'm not going anywhere. I think this lack of assistence on the sisters part could represent there relationship as a whole, dating back to when they were growing up. If she wasn't there for her sister now then she probably wasn't there for her when they were growing up and therefore created alot of psycological damage to her which down the line ended up in the murder of 2 innocent children.

My point is that I don't think people realize the impact there words and actions have on one another. Especially with family. Alot of people have emotional or psycological scars that were put there in there childhood by there family or what have you. This is no excuse for what happened, you gotta just deal with it and try to rise above that kind of thing. But I wish people could at least be kinder or gentler to there familys. My family is leaving to move to florida in about a year and I'm staying here and it bothers me more than a little that the 4 people I love the most are gonna be so far away. So everyone go give there family a hug and be glad that your not trying to stab each other with knives.

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Sunday, February 4th, 2007
2:22 am
Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
CategoryYour Score Average
Self-Lovin'55%
Explored the pleasures of the flesh
64.7%
Shamelessness85.7%
Has yet to see self in mirror
78.8%
Sex Drive 68.4%
A fool for love, but not always
77.2%
Straightness32.1%
Done the nasty, but not creatively
43.9%
Gayness 96.4%
Repressed, are we?
83.7%
Fucking Sick98.2%
Refreshingly normal
89.9%
You are 71.87% pure
Average Score: 72.3%

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Sunday, January 14th, 2007
10:21 am
Your Mind is PG-13 Rated

Your mind is definitely a little dirty. You're naughty, but not trashy.
You don't shy away from a dirty joke, and you're clearly not a prude.

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Friday, November 17th, 2006
5:57 pm - I'm a Jester!


You are The Fool


The Fool is the card of infinite possibilities. The bag on the staff indicates that he has all he need to do or be anything he wants, he has only to stop and unpack. He is on his way to a brand new beginning. But the card carries a little bark of warning as well. Stop daydreaming and fantasising and watch your step, lest you fall and end up looking the fool.


What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

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Tuesday, October 24th, 2006
6:14 am - Give it to me.


Your Lust Quotient: 41%



You are definitely a lustful person, but you do a good job of hiding it.

Your friends would be surprised to know that your secretly very wild!

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