I don't know what that damn girl saw in me but I don't think I'm gonna find anyone else that sees it either. And the few potential ones that just might.... royally suck. Or just don't "fit"
The thing I can't figure out is if its me.... or them. Do I just only seem to "see" shitty chicks around me cause I'm trying to protect myself? Or am I scared? Or is it just that only retarted girls are into me? Everything I do and all the things I think are geared toward that one moment when I actually meet the "right one."
I went on a date tonight, the first one since like last fall. And it was ok. I had fun but it never really felt like a date. I just couldn't get engaged into the whole thing and it just didn't feel right with the girl. You know, all flirty and fun and chemistyish. And I'm pretty sure that it was the same for her cause I've never seen someone get out of my car so fast. I'm not so much bummed that she wasn't into me as I am that I feel like thats my fault. I suspect that I might be intentionally messing up my chances with women or going for all the wrong ones out of some ridiculously misguided loyalty to Angelina. Well not really loyalty but more like "hey, thats not her." Plus on top of it something like a really cynical attitude of "why bother if its just gonna lead to more pain and head issues like this?"
I wish I could just start over or something, or let go of this stupid mental conditioning/armor. *sigh* whatever.